In an era where relationships are often idealized yet face real-world pressures, many couples are turning to counseling for guidance. The recent surge in interest, fueled in part by the Emmy-winning HBO series Couples Therapy, has prompted questions about whether professional help is the right step and what to expect from the process. Dr. Sarah Thompson, a relationship expert at the University of Melbourne, addresses these concerns in a detailed analysis published on The Conversation, emphasizing that while counseling can be transformative, it's not a universal solution.
Thompson notes that relationship satisfaction naturally fluctuates over time, a fact backed by research that suggests simply acknowledging these ebbs and flows can strengthen partnerships. 'Research shows even knowing this can help couples navigate the usual ups and downs of life together,' she writes. For couples experiencing frequent arguments or dissatisfaction, therapy has been shown to lower distress levels, according to studies she references. This is particularly relevant for those dealing with infidelity or external stressors like caregiving responsibilities.
Preventive counseling is another avenue gaining traction, aimed at enhancing communication before crises erupt. Thompson highlights that some programs have successfully reduced divorce rates among newlyweds, though she points out an intriguing alternative: 'Some research has found certain types of counselling did help cut the divorce rate among newlyweds – but so too did getting couples to simply watch romance movies together and discuss the themes with their partner.' This comparison underscores that motivation and mindset are key; couples seeking validation or a 'side' to take may find therapy less effective.
A neutral stance is central to effective couples counseling, Thompson explains. Therapists are trained to remain impartial, focusing instead on skill-building. 'If your goal is to get someone to “take your side”, counselling may not help. A good couples counsellor should remain neutral, and they’re not there to take sides,' she states. For those mired in arguments, the emphasis shifts to letting go of 'right' and 'wrong' narratives, fostering new ways to resolve conflicts.
The benefits of counseling extend to practical areas, such as improving communication, deepening emotional connections, and aligning future aspirations. Thompson outlines how sessions might identify barriers to these goals, whether emotional or logistical. Interestingly, counseling isn't solely about preservation; it can facilitate thoughtful separations, especially when children are involved. 'Couples counselling isn’t always about staying together. Some use it to explore how to separate in a way that centres the needs of children,' she observes.
For intimacy-related challenges, Thompson recommends specialized help over general counseling. Issues like bodily changes due to aging, mismatched expectations, or communication breakdowns around sex may require a sex therapist. 'Sometimes what you need is not a couples counsellor; it’s a sex therapist,' she advises in a companion piece on the same platform. Professional organizations can connect couples with certified experts who address these nuances through targeted discussions and adjustments.
However, Thompson cautions that therapy isn't suitable for every situation. In cases involving violence or coercive control, safety planning takes precedence over joint sessions. 'The problems or harms in some relationships will not be resolved through talking therapy. The most obvious is where violence and/or coercive control is used: safety planning, not couples counselling, is more appropriate,' she warns. Broader structural issues, such as work stress, financial strain, or supporting a partner with depression, also complicate matters and may not be fully resolved in a few sessions.
The longevity of therapy's effects remains a point of uncertainty. One study cited by Thompson indicates that while many couples see improvements during programs, these gains often fade post-treatment. 'Many distressed couples benefit during relationship education courses but that these benefits decline when the program ends,' the research noted. This highlights the need for ongoing effort beyond the counselor's office.
Choosing the right therapist involves navigating various methodologies. The Gottman Method, developed by psychologists John and Julie Gottman, is one prominent approach. It encourages creating 'love maps'—detailed knowledge of a partner's world—while nurturing fondness and turning toward each other during bids for connection. The method famously identifies the 'four horsemen' of relationship doom: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. 'Famously, the Gottman approach also identifies the “four horsemen” of a relationship apocalypse: criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling,' Thompson describes.
Other therapists draw from psychological or psychoanalytical frameworks, incorporating cognitive behavioral therapy techniques to reframe thought patterns. In Australia, organizations like Relationships Australia offer diverse services, including counseling tailored to cultural and regional needs. Thompson stresses the importance of rapport: 'At the end of the day what matters most is that you and your couples counsellor “click”; if you don’t gel with yours, it’s OK to find a new one.'
Beyond formal therapy, Thompson invokes the wisdom of author bell hooks to reframe love as an active practice rather than a passive state. 'It can be helpful to use American author bell hooks’ idea of love as a practice of “doing” rather than a passive “being”. In other words, love is about doing things (for each other, together, or for yourself to fuel your relationship) rather than just about “being in love”, she explains. Long-term couples often sustain contentment through small, daily acts—like brewing coffee for a partner or sharing a TV show—which reinforce bonds without professional intervention.
The Conversation article, published on October 15, 2024, coincides with a broader cultural moment. The HBO series Couples Therapy, which premiered its fourth season in September 2024, has drawn over 1.2 million viewers per episode in the U.S., according to Nielsen ratings, sparking online discussions and searches for local therapists. In Appleton, Wisconsin, local clinics like the Fox Valley Relationship Center have reported a 25% uptick in inquiries since the show's latest season aired, per center director Maria Lopez.
Lopez, who specializes in the Gottman Method, echoes Thompson's sentiments. 'We've seen couples come in inspired by the show, but many are surprised that it's not about drama—it's about real tools for everyday life,' she said in a phone interview. Yet, not all experts agree on accessibility. Dr. Elena Rivera, a psychologist in Chicago, argues that while shows like Couples Therapy demystify the process, they may gloss over barriers like cost, with sessions averaging $150 to $250 per hour uninsured, according to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy.
Cross-verification from additional reports on The Conversation reinforces Thompson's balanced view. One summary snippet emphasizes specialization: 'Sometimes what you need is not a couples counsellor; it’s a sex therapist,' highlighting the need for targeted expertise. No major discrepancies emerge, though some therapists, like those at the National Council on Family Relations, advocate for more research on long-term outcomes, noting that only 40% of couples maintain gains after two years, based on a 2022 meta-analysis.
As interest grows, experts urge discernment. Thompson concludes by suggesting simple at-home reflections, perhaps watching Couples Therapy together as a low-stakes entry point. 'So, consider snuggling up on the couch with your partner to watch something together. Perhaps even Couples Therapy can provide a healthy prompt to reflect on and appreciate one another in a new light,' she writes. For Appleton residents, resources like the local chapter of Relationships Australia equivalent, the Wisconsin Family Therapy Association, offer sliding-scale fees to make help more accessible.
Looking ahead, the rise in preventive and specialized counseling signals a shift toward proactive relationship health. With divorce rates hovering at 40-50% in the U.S., per CDC data from 2023, initiatives like community workshops could bridge gaps left by therapy's limitations. As Thompson and peers emphasize, whether through professional guidance or daily practices, nurturing partnerships remains an ongoing journey, adaptable to each couple's unique path.